Why do bpd go silent

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Why do bpd go silent

Love letters, poems, candle-lit dinners, dreamy getaways, and insane chemistry can leave even the most composed person weak in the knees and dreaming of a fantastical future. Everything seems like a fairy tale when—poof! This disappearing act can last anywhere from a few hours, a few days, to a few weeks or more.

why do bpd go silent

When questioned, the Narcissist may chalk it up to their phone being out of service or an emergency that had to be tended to. It becomes increasingly clear that the disappearing acts a.

Silent Treatments are designed to punish you. Which is a form of emotional blackmail. Unbeknownst to you, these fights are often fabricated so the Narcissist can subsequently implement the Silent Treatment.

While all of this chaos is happening, you are so busy wondering why the Narcissist is always unhappy that you may be missing a very important part of the big picture — a picture that includes a lot more than your crazy relationship dynamics. You may not even be aware of these other individuals since Narcissists are adept at hiding their double lives, sometimes for decades. He just needs more time and he can finally get rid of her.

Even if the Narcissist was the one to end the relationship, he will keep most, preferably all, of his Exes in the queue. The Narcissist could well be dubbed The Constant Gardner because he is perpetually trolling for new targets, even though he always has a main source of supply. If your partner is playing these juvenile love games e. But, you can turn the situation around by planting your own seeds of hope for a better future. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

To all of you fellow victims, you are not alone. I was the biggest fool of all. I kept hoping he would change, and I am just waking up now to the facts about N. My heart has been so broken. Im going through this exact same thing disappearing blaming me for everything going wrong silent treatment and yes i do love him but tired of the games.

Thank you for sharing. In fact, we never had sex. I later found out he an addiction to porn and dual addicted but in recovery for alcoholism. Sober for 13 years from alcohol. He spent hours devoted to porn and I suspect engaging in cybersex as well.Learning to communicate needs directly and effectively is something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives.

For folks with borderline personality disorder many of whom grew up in incredibly invalidating or abusive environments this can be especially difficult. Perhaps you pick fights with a significant other in times when you are unsure if they really want to stay. If this sounds like you, please know you are not alone. The source of this behavior is not malicious, and people with BPD are not doomed to have difficult interpersonal relationships forever — though it often means doing therapeutic work to truly heal.

Makes sense, right? I push them away to see the extent they will go for me.

why do bpd go silent

Will they stay? Then once they do leave, I break down. But if they stay, I keep pushing the limits. But I do. I care so much that it kills me. It is a never-ending cycle. I am compelled to share detailed information about things that are happening in my life to acquaintances and even complete strangers. I hate that I do this, but it is really hard to stop myself. I will try to burn bridges to see if the person cares enough to fight for me. For me, this goes for all relationships, including friendships.

Someone needs a place to stay? I open my doors. Someone needs groceries, even if I barely have enough money to feed myself? Be somewhere. Wash, rinse, repeat. The cycle continues. I want them to stay, but not say anything. That is usually my plea and cry for them not to leave me.

This is how the poison starts, but really it is fear of abandonment, fear of separation or even just fear in the nature of the friendship. When we already have plans and I am in a bad spot, I see if they will keep the plans if I offer a way out of the plans. If you have any tips that have helped you combat these behaviors, let us know in the comments below. If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. Join Us.

You can also browse from over health conditions. Submit a Story. Join Us Log In.To receive a diagnosis of BPD, a patient typically meets five out of nine of the listed criteria. Though we typically associate BPD with volatile, outward expressions of painful symptoms, not everyone experiences BPD the same way. But those emotions are typically acted against ourselves.

Because people with BPD tend to feel more strongly than others, they experience emotions like guilt intensely. This can lead to chronic self-blame. And a lot of the time I think my friends could do better than me.

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Like we mentioned earlier, folks with quiet BPD often direct anger inward. This can lead to chronic negative self-talk. If you are struggling with negative self-talk, we encourage you to reach out to a therapist. Like a wolf attacking its prey, my mind rips me to shreds.

The majority of people with BPD have a history with trauma. In fact, in a recent study, researchers found BPD was the mental illness with the strongest link to childhood trauma. If I think they are a little mad at me or dislike me, then my world crumbles and I feel like the worst human being alive. Fear of abandonment can cause folks with quiet BPD to retreat from relationships entirely. Unfortunately, this leaves people without the support friends, family and partners can provide.

Thankfully, many therapists specialize in relationship issues and can help you address your fears if this is something you struggle with. Nobody knows this. According to Mental Health America MHAdissociation is a mental experience that causes a person to disconnect from their present circumstances, thoughts, memory and identity.

why do bpd go silent

Like most symptoms, dissociation exists on a spectrum from mild to severe. Dissociation is common in people who have lived through trauma. Uncontrollable anger is one of the nine classic symptoms of BPD, and quiet borderlines are not immune to experiencing it. Though they may not act outwardly on their anger, the emotion itself can be intense and difficult to handle.Moderator: lilyfairy. Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum. Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot]jaus tail and 33 guests.

Psychology and Mental Health Forum. Our partner. Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Forum rules. Why do you push others away and sometimes ignore them for days, weeks, months, years? I know we sometimes do it because we're afraid and can't handle the emotions but I wonder if we also do it as a way to gain more attention from the person we're ignoring. Out of anxiety: anxiety will sometime make me "freeze" in my life.

Out of anger: When I am so angry with someone that I feel I could blow up on them if I talk to them, I will give the silent treatment. I definitely give the silent treatment to get a attention too. I think this is actually one of the more common reasons I give the silent treatment If I feel someone is losing interest with me, becoming bored with me, or feeling crowded by me, I will completely stop talking to them and try to avoid being around them When people know me well enough to realize that I am angry with them when I give the silent treatment, I will sometimes do it to express my anger to them and make them feel guilty for whatever they did often they did nothing but come home late without me knowing where they are or something Although I can understand these things about myself, I cant seem to stop the behavior in the moment My mom used to use it on me all the time for trivial things.

If it weren't for that, I might use is as a faulty communication method today but the memory of how much it sucked it still too fresh. The only time I ever use the silent treatment is when trying to communicate might become violent and I need to simmer down for a while.

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Whenever I see that person, I remember the emotional whirlwind and I can't talk. Even long after the event and I can't remember exactly what it was about being overly emotinoal in a situation affects my memory of the event - I just remember the emotional tsunami.

Borderline Personality Disorder Self-harmer and suicidal ideation Chronic depression Avoidant PD Dependent PD Social and general anxiety disorders 2 and a half years of my life wasted in hospital 2 wonderful children Don't you tell me 'bout your law and order I'm tryin' to change this water to wine.I am an introvert, and I have borderline personality disorder BPD.

Being an introvert does not necessarily mean I am a recluse and am always hiding away, although I do struggle with social skills. As someone who is very quiet and diagnosed with BPD, I focus my intense emotions, impulsivity and actions inward. That means I handle the profound emptiness, the endless whiplashing roller-coaster and lack of identity BPD brings in a more distant manner.

I struggle with settling for the gray areas of life, especially relationships. Being a more reserved and silent person, I do not have many friends. But with the few friendships I have held onto, I am either latched on tight or am struggling to keep the contact going. It is a very painful way to have relationships. Most of the time, the standards I place on myself as to how a good friend maintains relationships are abnormally high. Within my distorted lens, I feel I place too much expectation on the unfortunate individual on the other side of the relationship.

I harbor very idealistic standards perfected to the extreme on both ends. Other times I do not have the energy to try to keep up my end of the relationship. My mind is silent when I need it to be thinking about how to emotionally and logically contribute to the other person. I stop checking in on people, replying to messages and get lonely and hurt when they are silent in return. And then when they finally reach out to me, I am anxious, suspicious and doubtful of their concerned gestures.

I tell myself almost every day that people have moved on from me, for a good reason too. Later, I only find out the person was simply busy and permanently dropping contact was not even on their radar. For me, I turn all of those feelings inward and chances are, I will loathe myself too much to say anything to the other person or apologetically seek validation for their friendship.

A sentence of the struggles of my mind can be summed up in this quote by Kiera Van Gelder:. Oftentimes I feel like I am so hyperaware of everything; my detriments, my thoughts, my actions and behaviors that it hinders forward progress. I find unexamined pieces of myself and replicate elaborate stories in my head as to why I am the way I am and all the internal self-analysis creates so much more harm than good.

Borderline Personality - The Silent Treatment

But, then there may be times where things are the exact opposite. When dissociation takes over, I feel isolated from my own feelings, my voice is lost and I cannot help myself help others understand.

My own existence is questioned, along with every sensation, every interaction and thought that goes through my mind. I also have social anxiety and that paired with my emptiness and lack of identity turned inward, leads to isolating for hours in my room. I tell myself no one cares, that I deserve and am designed to be alone.

I think back on all the positive memories I experienced in the past with people, question their validity and genuineness. I wonder if the intense emotional turmoil will ever end. Sometimes, these dark thoughts lead to swift and sudden suicidal ideation and at that point, I reach out and tell someone, sometimes not in the best way.Everyone needs quiet time now and again, but there are times where someone may be purposefully giving you the silent treatment.

Someone who is not mentally ill may have reasons that are comprehensible, but one diagnosed with Borderline may be harder to read. Someone diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder will get very emotionally involved in a situation and take things to heart. A miniature comment with no true significance can destroy them. If you are an individual who is not entirely emotionally connected, understanding the heavy relation to emotion may be a complication, and cause you to be cold-hearted towards your loved one who is struggling.

In response to the overwhelming emotions and the distance they sense from you, they may give you a harsh silent treatment as a defense mechanism. They believe that their providence of the silent treatment will get a message across to you, and possibly encourage you to apologize and make things right again. It could also be for much needed space.

A diagnosed BPD individual will sense emotions much more harshly than someone who does not struggle with a mental illness, and in an attempt to cope with the emotions, they may hush up. It may be a way to blame you, and make you reliable for their feelings, which is not your responsibility. It could be a tactic to get you to come to them, as they may feel that they always come to you.

And though it may seem unkind on their part, they desperately want communication with you, and in an emotional state, have put a barrier and want to stick to it to the very end.

This is a strong topic with the diagnosed individuals. Mistrust comes along when you have toyed with their emotions, lied, are avoiding them, getting angry when they open up, etc. The may feel that they have been cheated, or that they made a mistake by bringing you into their life. Their silent treatment could be their time to reflect on the situation and come up with a final decision, or get you to come to them with an apology and an offer to be more trustworthy. We may be evaluating your behaviour to our rejection of communication.

Are you okay with it? Are you going to show up at our door with roses and fancy dinner reservation? Are you going to get frantic like we do? In the future, we may use it against you as well. Dissociation is not overly talked about, yet is something that is quite common in a Borderline diagnosis.

In situations of stress or high tension, possibly with discomfort, we may dissociate and no longer be mentally present.

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We may not be in control of our reactions, nor realize what we are doing. Our mind is so overwhelmed with constant thoughts, and we lose track of ourselves.

Abandonment Perception. Abandonment is a hot topic amongst those with BPD and one of the core reasons an individual would get diagnosed initially. It is written in the disorder that we are terrified of abandonment and may abandon ship when we think we are about to be abandoned.

Someone diagnosed with Borderline will feel loneliness very intensely, and large distances between the ones they love will leave them with a sensation of loneliness and loss, and possibly abandonment.

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They may blame the other individual involved irrationally and assume they no longer care. It could very well be perceived as the silent treatment, when in reality, it is us abandoning you first.

We want control over that situation and so we take it.Check back for free updated Las Vegas NFL betting odds all during the week of the conference championships. If early Las Vegas odds are unavailable, offshore NFL playoff odds may be displayed in the interim. If you're finished viewing NFL Vegas odds for the conference championship playoffs compliments of FootballLOCKS.

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Why Narcissists Disappear (Hint: It’s not just the Silent Treatment!)

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why do bpd go silent

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